A Chance Not Taken
by Forever sleeping
Summary: Pansy's struggle to change over to the side of the light, when everyone has already assumed she was evil. Here's her story, her voice. When a girls never had a chance to be anything but condemned and still manages to rise above it all. Pure-blood families, a boy who can't love her and the sacrifices needed to be made for the 'Greater good'. Pansy/Draco pairing. Snape mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hullo, there. So I know I haven't updated my older stories in a while because of lack of inspiration, but fear not! I have not abandoned them.

**Disclaimer:** Same old, all Original Characters are not mine. I'm no money from this, sadly still a poor college student. Read on!

**Pansy's beginning**

Looking at her reflection in the mirror she sighed, she loved her hair; the way it hung down her back in long black waves almost reaching her waist. She loved the weight of it, thick and heavy, it made her more aware of her actions. Picking up the length of it, she let it tumble from her hands. 'Rapunzel, Rapunzel' she murmured, her hair as long as it was, would be too short to climb up, maybe I should start taking a lengthening serum. The thought was futile, hero's didn't exist for her. No knight in shining Armour to defend her honor or climb up her hair and no one was going to wake her up from a nightmare with a kiss.

It was silly of her but she kept a stack of muggle fairytale books under her bed, where anyone could find them if they cared to look.

Closing her eyes she tried to banish away the memory of last night when her father had come into her bedroom and stood behind her running his hands from her wrist to her shoulders where her modest nightgown laid. Reaching up to her hair he had pulled it out from behind her ear, bringing it up to his noes to smell; he rubbed it against his cheek, eyes closed.

She stared at him through his reflection in the mirror in positive shock too afraid to move in case she angered him. Too afraid to stay in case she excited him, but it had been to late he stepped in closer and she could feel him pressed against her lower back. Maybe it was because she had started to shake lightly or maybe she got lucky. If you could call that luck. He had backed up and left the room, eyes locked on hers through their reflection as he walked out.

She could feel him now as if he was there behind her, 'beautiful' he had whispered, pulling on her hair 'beautiful'. Opening her eyes she raised two fingers, smoothing out the lines on her forehead. She stared at the open scissors laying ominously on the black marble top sink. She blinked picking it up, it wasn't even a choice really.

Lifting her hair she brought is forward.

Snip.

Black locks fell as she brought forth more of her hair, cutting it with quick angry snips. It wasn't her choice, he had liked it, called it 'beautiful', it had to go.

She couldn't stand seeing it this way anymore. Her hair which had once been a comforting vanity was now another thing which she hated about her self and it had to go.

It now fell below her ears mismatched and with sharp edges no longer dainty or beautiful. She walked into her adjoined bedroom, she'd have to remember to burn the nightgown she thought to her self, she wouldn't be able to wear it again. Tomorrow she decided. Laying down she closed her eyes, picking out a dream, it didn't mater which; as long as it wasn't reality. It would be wonderful not to be Pansy Parkinson for a while.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! Review please, it helps let me know people are waiting on me for more. Next chapters up on Saturday, it's already written so stay tuned.

_Adna_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Any and all lines that sound familiar are from JKR, (There one one of them btw) but there you go. As always if your reading I am grateful and please drop me a review. Okay, here we go. Cheers!

**Part 2**

**All that Glitters is not Gold**

"What have you done to your hair?" Her mothers voice cut sharply across the room she turned around, slowly explaining how she had gotten sick of old do' and had gotten Tawny her personal house elf to help even it out. Already prepared as one must be when entering a battle field. Her words were her weapon, her bright eyes and confused look her ammunition and her lies were her shield. One must ever enter a battlefield unprepared.

Breakfast and lunch had been a quiet affair, she had eaten in her balcony alone. That was the way she preferred it, but dinner was always eaten in the dinning room, always at eight. Sitting down she made sure to keep her elbows off the table and her back straight. The littlest thing were always the ones that set her mother off.

They sat in silence the three of them, she waited until the house elves had served the food before asking "Where's Adeline?

Her mother answered her. "Gone to bed. I'd assume one of the elves gave her dinner. Not that you need to concern your self with her"

Adeline was her little sister, also a shameful family secret. She had just turned nine and had yet to display any magic. Adeline was pretty, dead clever, and was shy to a fault but none of that mattered. A pure-blood child who didn't show any signs of magic was worse than ….. well, worse than anything.

Father refused to even look at her, walking away whenever she spoke to him if he was in a good mood, and hitting her when he wasn't. Finding him a pleasant mood was far from common and suffice to say Adeline never spoke to anyone but her, unless you counted house elves and really no one ever did.

Mother ignored her completely. It would have been better if she had just hit her because at least then Adeline would have given up trying to speak to their mother a long time ago.

I loved her. Loved everything about her, maybe because our parents didn't or maybe just because she was my sister but love as they say is never enough. I would be leaving off to Hogwarts in a few days and Adeline would be here alone with them.

"If I have to stay here for another year I am going to pitch myself off the Astronomy tower" Draco drawled leaning back into his seat his platinum blond hair swept over one eye. "Don't say stuff like that Draco" I put my arm over his, he pulled his out from under mine looking away. I stifled a sigh, we had been best friends since we were six 'proper pureblood play mates' and after 11 years I could read him pretty well. "You wouldn't get it" Draco replied.

"Sure Draco, You think I don't know whats going on?' the question wasn't rhetorical but I received no answers.

We all knew what was going on, me, Theo, Draco, Blaise and Daphne. Parental influence as a pureblood and Slytherin's meant that we knew what was expected of us. Though we never spoke of it, we knew when the time came each of us would do what we had to do. And for some of us it seemed time was running short.

Closing my eyes I tried not to dwell on it any longer, my head rolled on to Blaise's shoulder; sometimes it was just too much.

"You cut your hair" Theo piped up.

"Way to state the obvious" I replied, brushing my hair self consciously.

"Why?"

Opening my eyes I answered "because I couldn't stand it anymore, it was disgusting" I got looks from both Theo and Blaise, I was obviously talking about something else but they didn't ask, and I didn't tell.

Glancing at Draco I could tell he hadn't heard a word, he was preoccupied with something else, his hands clenched into fists, eyes wind open and unfocused. I stood up walking between them and towards the bathroom to change out of my black dress. It went up to my knees with a lace hemline, it was a tradition with us, we all dressed in black on the first day back. As if it we were mourning leaving home, when we couldn't have been happier.

"Your late" I said as Draco sat down for the welcome back feast. "Leave it alone, Pansy" he replied looking down, I saw his eyes flick over to the Head table. Professor Snape was was staring intensely into the back of Draco's head. I tried to convince my self nothing was happening but I could see, even now everything was changing.

I let my dress robes slide off my shoulders, flopping down on the bed. It paid that there were only four of us sixth year Slytherin girls and even better we were only two to a dorm. That meant that I only had to share my space with Daphne Greengrass.

"This is our year" Daphne proclaimed sitting on her bed. "Have your parents mentioned anything to you about your future" she continued.

My head snapped in her direction "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing it's just ..." she trailed off.

"Spill" I demanded sitting up "Tell me everything"

Standing up I changed, before getting back into bed, this time under the covers.

"Were friends right, Pansy?" Daphne asked

"Of course we are" I replied, just as long as you prove your self useful I thought. We are after all Slytherin's.

**A/N: Hello, All. **

**Just like I promised, Saturday update. See how trust worthy I am? Don't I deserve a review? Yes, this is shameless begging. Come on now …. **

**Thanks for reading anyways. **

**Next update Monday night. See you soon – Adna **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay everyone say thanks to - Anastasia205 who gave me alert and review and because of that you all get a faster update and it's a longer (somewhat, hey I tried) chapter too! Big thanks. Okay that's all, read on!**

**Part 3 **

**Rootless **

Hogwarts was Hogwarts, with essays and class work there was nothing exciting. Draco was cutting himself off more than usual, he would spend whole afternoon's Merlin knew where, coming in late at night always agitated. Oh, I knew he was up to something but he refused to talk about it with anyone of us.

"What are you staring at I asked Daphne dropping my bag by the foot of my bed I sat down, undoing my tie and the top buttons of my shirt. Flashing out her hand Daphne shot me a proud smile "isn't it beautiful?"

I could feel my throat clogging up, my heart dropped into my stomach. No, no, no there on her finger was the most horrifying sight. An engagement ring.

"Who?" I croaked.

"Anthony McMallistar, he graduated from Drumstang last year. I met him over the summer holidays, we went out" Daphne gushed " But I didn't know he liked me so much"

I almost scoffed at her stupidity, _more like he found himself attracted to her inheritance._ I banished those thoughts before they formed into words, her smile was too wide for me to be the one to shatter it.

I lifted my hand to the platinum chain around my neck. It felt heavy, to heavy to bear. I could already see the way Daphne wold gush over its size and worth, telling me how lucky I was to have snatched a Malfoy.

_'He snatched me'_ I thought fleetingly _'and I am stuck'._ Tears prickled my eyes and it was time to leave. Grinning at Daphne I threw her one last half-hearted congratulations, full of fake sincerity. I walked out into the shower room, empty at this time of the day. Entering a stall I closed the curtain, sinking into a dry corner, I ripped the offending necklace off, it hit the opposite wall with a satisfying clack.

I brought my legs up and rested my forehead on my knees, Mrs Draco Malfoy. I swallowed the bile that rose up in my mouth. Almost an hour had gone by before I stood up again, pinching the broken ends of the necklace which still held the ring I aimed a quick _reparo_ at the clasp. If only everything mended so easily.

-Flashback-

"Where having guests in the lounge after your done meet us there" glancing up at Mother from the corner of my eye I asked "Why?"

She didn't answer, pushing up from the table she walked out of the dinning room, presumably to the parlor.

Stupid question I thought, my mother loved a mystery even if it would be a short lived one. Standing up I left through another door, taking a staircase that led to the south wing. Entering my bedroom, which was really the size of a small living room, I wasn't surprised to see Adeline sitting on my bed. I gave her a little wave before opening my closet. I had no idea who was downstairs which meant that I had no idea what to wear. I finally decided on a black dress which flared into a hoop skirt ending at my knees. With a 2 inch red silk belt cinched right below my chest. I went behind my changing screen to put it on, before sitting down on the soft velvet of my vanity table. I picked up two strands of my hair pinning them back with two ruby encrusted pins. I left my neck bare of any jewelery, spraying generous amounts of perfume and a swipe of lipstick. I slipped on black heels, staring at myself I practiced a fake smile. Now I was officially ready.

I gave Adeline a hug, as I slipped out of her embrace her hands ghosted over my pins, " Your so pretty" she whispered.

I gave her a sad smile _'only on the outside' _I thought '_only on the outside'_. I walked down the carpeted steps in muffled clicks, I'd have to remember to give her these clips, lord knows I had to many and Mother would never buy them for her.

Talking a calming breath I pushed open the parlor door, letting none of my surprise show when I saw the Malfoy's, Bellatrix and Professor Snape. Nodding to each one of them I shook there hands receiving a kiss from Malfoy senior and Professor Snape. I sat down, back straight, lips in neither a frown nor a smile. I payed attention to all the mindless chitchat just as a proper pureblood should. _"Why hadn't Draco written to tell me that he was coming over?" _

"I am sure you know why were all here" Lucius commented.

I nodded, never show that you don't understand, rule number two; my mothers voice echoed in my head.

As I watched Lucius placed a stack of documents on the table along side a quill and inkwell, but it was the small black box that was beside it that held my attention.

'_It isnt'_ I thought, _'impossible' _

My breath threatened to stutter, _'I wasn't seventeen yet' _

and yet it made sense, my parents and Draco's parents, his godfather Professor Snape and my godmother Bellatrix. I struggled to keep myself composed as I started to take it all in, a marriage contract and a ring. Signed before family, Parkinson and Malfoy, two of the most prominent pureblood families. Why had I not seen this coming.

Draco opened the box, my eyes widened staring at the mother of pearl center surrounded by tiny diamonds on two interlacing bands of white gold. Under any other circumstance I would have reached out and touched it, awed by it's beauty. Draco lifted the ring, his hand out stretched, waiting for me to give him my hand. Suddenly the saying ''your hand in marriage'' made sense.

"No" I couldn't believe I said it, because as soon as I did my eyes filled with tears which I fought to keep at bay. Marriage. Marrying Draco, my head spun.

"I can't" my words coming out weak and cracked this time.

I stared at my Mother surely she wouldn't make me, if only they knew how much, how desperately I didn't want too. I knew it was futile with a single look at her cold expression, her eyes sharp with barely concealed fury. Still I had to try, "Please don't make me"

I could hear Bellatrix giggling and the background. Draco was staring at the floor, Mrs. Malfoy was expressionless while Lucius stared at my father and Professor Snape stared at me.

Leaning in my father whispered in my ear, "I'll kill her if you don't, I'll kill her and its on you. Say yes and I'll spare her life, she'll be yours to do with what you want"

My breath caught in my throat, he couldn't, but then again he could and he would she was a squib, a family disgrace. No one would care and he'd already gotten away with so much worse. A deatheater's hand is always bloody.

A tear slipped past my emotional constraints sliding down my cheek, reaching out Draco grabbed my offered hand, slipping the ring on to my left hand; he tried to look into my eyes but I closed them.

I was engaged to be married, to be married to Draco Malfoy, to be married to a soon to be deatheater, if he wasn't one already.

The words entered my thoughts before I could stop them _'your marrying your father' _or worse still I was becoming my Mother.

I took the quill from Draco our hands brushing, dipping it in the the black inkwell I signed. "If that's all ..." I said standing up, I made my way to the door.

"Don't be so glum deary" Bellatrix crowed. _Dignity_, I thought fighting the urge to slap her. Dignity was all I had left, looking back I glanced at Professor Snape who was still staring at me.

"She had better be a virgin" Lucius called out as I let the door slam behind me.

I traced my way back to my room to find Adeline still sitting on my bed. She was playing with a purple and green dinosaur, "Get out" I whispered. She looked up at me with a doe-eyed look "GET OUT".

She jumped off the bed almost tripping over her legs in a hurry to get out.

I couldn't stand the sight of her _'she made me do this'_.

Crawling into my bed I threw off my heels and grabbed the comforter, letting it all out in a scream, which turned into sobs. Curling into a ball I cried for myself, for everything I wanted, I cried because I was weak, because I didn't have any dignity left, or a future. I cried because all I had was my sister, a sister who couldn't do magic.

**A/N: Ta'da**

**There you go, tell me how you like it. Or if you didn't. Or just say Hi. Reviews are appreciated honestly. Well then pip pip cheerio' * waves* **

-Adna


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello All, here's part 4 and it's longer than usual. Took me almost 8 hours, so do be nice and leave me a review. Enjoy!**

**Part 4 **

**Didn't your Mother teach you not to … **

You know when someone wakes up and for a single blissful moment they wonder if everything that happened was really a bad dream? Well that never happened for me, the moment I woke up, even before I opened my eyes I knew it was real. I could feel the foreign dead weight of the pearl on my finger. I glanced at it from the corner of my eye as if it would bite. I went into the bathroom locking the door, I stared into the mirror. _Who was she?_

I lifted my head pushing my bangs back, the diamonds inlaid in the ring glinted in the mirror. _Who was I?_

It was too was not to think about it, to pretend nothing would come out of it, until it did. I was good at pretending nothing was wrong, putting a pretty smile on my face. Not this time I thought, something had to change.

I had to do something to get out of this. I stared at myself with unseeing eyes, would anything I tried even work, when I had already signed my fate. If I wanted to protect Adeline then I there was nothing I could do. If I backed out father would make good on this promises.

* * *

It was constant now, every night she would wake up in a cold sweat. She would be in a room, one she had never seen before; admiring her self in a mirror and suddenly an arm would slid around her waist with a vice like grip, hard and unforgiving. She would look into the mirror, to the face that belonged to the arm only to see Draco Malfoy. He would smile at her and bile would rise up her throat.

It was a coin toss with no good choice, my freedom for my sisters death or her alive and me in chains of the marriage variety.

They would expect her to take the mark. If she was going to marry a Malfoy there was no way she get out of it. Don't get her wrong she wasn't some mudblood loving fool like Dumbledore, she just didn't want to get her hands dirty. Killing and raping because someone told her to, bowing down to some mad man only to call him Master. It sounded like a touch of madness and absurdity, she didn't need his wealth or power.

But still there was nothing she could do to change what the future was already unfolding, they would have expected her to take the mark whether she had married Malfoy or not. As the only known Parkinson heir her path had been drawn out for her long before she came to Hogwarts.

_Maybe I could run away_, she stopped the thought before it could it grew, it was fruitless for the first time in her seventeen years she knew money could not buy her everything. Thoughts spun faster than she could process them, she could feel the beginnings of a headache.

Her toes curled and hands formed fists as she tried not to imagine the very real, very frightening, not to distant picture of her walking down an aisle dressed in white to the beat of funeral music. Would they let her wear black? The thought crept mercilessly into her musing. She clamped her mouth shut before hysterical laughter bubbled up.

Walking deeper into the 6th year bathroom she rocked on her heels _'I will be a new person'_ she whispered '_when I look into the mirror I will be a calm, collected and cool person'_. Walking back to the sink she slipped her hands underneath the rush of water, splashing her face she looked back at her reflection.

Calm, cool and collected, she blinked at her appearance. It was time to face the masses.

* * *

Draco hadn't said anything to Blaise or Theodore, she could tell by the way they sat and talked to her; that they were unaware of the changes.

Professor Snape was staring at Draco again. Draco whose hair fell limply on to his face, his eyes bloodshot and darkened with bags. Looking forward she saw Potter staring a hole into the back of Draco's head. Scowling Pansy bit her tongue to stop herself from making any remarks, turning her gaze to stare at Draco as well until her had no choice but to meet her gaze.

Catching his eyes she made a blunt show of looking at her ring less finger before looking back at him. "Later" he mouthed, understanding her message.

Focusing on the food in front of her she made a couple of stabs at her breakfast before pushing it away. The food so generously splayed on the table like this made her queasy, remembering when last summer when …..

Banishing the thought she stood up watching as Daphne and Millicent jumped up to their feet like good little puppies, following her obediently.

* * *

"What" he demanded pushing himself up against her, Pansy's breath caught in her throat. Now that they were here, now that she could tell him she found that she couldn't speak.

* * *

"When is it happening again?" Severus Snape let out his breath in a rush of air. "I've told you more than enough times for you to be able to remember, He has decided all new recruits will be initiated during Christmas break"

"How many of our lot do you suspect will be there?"

"I don't know Albus, I am not certain but even one lost is more than enough"

"Relax my boy, there is nothing to be done about it"

"Nothing to be done about it" Severus scoffed under his breath before coming to a stop, he had heard something. Students most likely, pausing he raised a hand to cover himself with an invisibility spell seconds before Dumbledore did the same. They were greeted by the sight of an arguing Malfoy and Parkinson.

* * *

Harry slunk forward, his eyes fixed on the dot labeled Malfoy that was stationary next to Parkinson's dot that was moving around but still near him. Had harry been with Hermione she might have pointed out the dot's belonging to Professors Snape and Dumbledore. But as it was he had snuck out of the Gryffindor common room after curfew covered in his fathers invisibility cloak. Flattening himself against the wall he put away the map and pulled out the slightly scrunched up extendable ears that he bought from the Weasley twins.

"Let me guess you want to back out of the engagement" it was Malfoy's presumptuous drawl! Harry was sure it. Pressing himself deeper into alcove he waited in anticipation, hoping to hear something incriminating.

* * *

"Let me guess you want to back out of the engagement" Draco said with an air of confidence he did not truly posses.

"No, it's not that" Pansy waved her hand as if to brush the idea away "I am going to marry you".

"And here I thought the idea of marrying me repulsed you" Malfoy said.

"Oh, it does, trust me"

"Then why are you …." Draco tried to ask, but Pansy was quick to interrupt his questioning.

"That's beside the point Draco, I … I can't do it" there was no need to elaborate, he understood her, but she avoided looking at him.

"The breaks coming up soon enough and I can't do it, oh god Draco, I can't do it"

"Then go to your room and have good cry about it then wipe your tears and get it over with" Draco was merciless he didn't have the patience to be doling out pity.

Pansy stopped pacing "Get it over with, get it over with" she repeated seething "I CAN'T just get it over with, this is our lives Draco, not some one time thing" taking a deep breath "once we're in, we're in for life" she stressed.

Draco's jaw clenched as she reminded him of the very thing he was trying to bury. " You forget your place Pansy" He whispered "To be a Deatheater is an honor, one I'm not sure you deserve"

Neither of them noticed there invisible audience.

* * *

Biting his lip Harry half-ran half-tiptoed back to the Gryffindor common room. He couldn't wait to tell Hermione and Ron everything tomorrow. Harry was still confused with what he had heard him self, but he knew enough. Draco Malfoy was a Deatheater, quietly opening the Fat Lady's portrait he slipped inside; only to have a very awake and very angry Hermione snatch the invisibility cloak off him. "Where were you?" She demanded a groggy Ron coming to stand behind her. "Trust me Hermione" Harry said "when you hear what I have just heard, you wont be angry anymore" sitting in front of the slowly dying fireplace he began …..

* * *

"I am not a murderer Draco, I'm not prepared to kill and rape, I cant torture people" she confessed.

"And you think I can" he deadpanned.

"You growing more and more into the image of your father everyday"

"I am not my father" he yanked her arms forcing her stop pacing "you think I want to be a Deatheater, you think it's a choice" his voice dropped but the anger in it was evident "I can't just refuse, I …." his speech was cut short as he turned around and slapped his open palms against the stone slabs "god dammit".

"Every year, every time I watched it happen, I told myself that I was too young to do anything about it. But now that my birthdays come and gone, I'm seventeen and there's no more excuses Draco" Pansy slid down the wall to sit down next to him.

"What are you going to do?" he asked

"What can I do Draco, its not like we can runaway". His head snapped up "You could, I mean we could run away to …... to America and change our names and stop using magic"

Glancing sideways at him she let a sad smile grace her lips "but you can't".

"No" he said shaking his head "He'll kill my mother"

"He'll kill my sister" Pansy confided

"You don't have a sister" he said confusion plainly drawn upon his face. "Every family has it's secrets Draco"

Breathing in through his noes he tried to stop the tremors that made his shoulders shake. Pansy didn't try to put her arms around him or try to comfort him, there was no comfort to be found. Tracing the outline of the cold stones between them,_ this was their reality_ she thought.

He wouldn't cry, that much she knew, they were both too prideful to be that open, to be that raw. Because beneath everything, when it all fell down she would trade him over in a second, just as he would her.

Her closed eyes flew open as when his fingers entangled with hers and she forced herself not to stiffen up, glancing at him from the corner of her eye he stood up pulling her with him.

He led the way back to their dormitories, words were not necessary. Speaking to anyone about what just happened would result in mutual destruction. They were Slytherin enough to understand that.

* * *

Albus and Severus walked away silently in the direction of the Headmasters office. There would be no sleep tonight for there was too much to be discussed.

**A/N: So there you have. Whadaya think?! Thoughts please. I really do live for reviews. **

**-**_Adna _


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